hmm...why did he do it so willingly? we are destroying each other's lives...he made a dent in it...and i duno if i can repair it...and i kinda did the same thing to him...but we did it at different periods...so it affects us at different times....do like this not rite, do like that also not rite...also duno wat to do..
ok, now i kinda regret a bit i didnt allow him to go for the concert...but just a tad bit...heheh!! but the way he said OK that nite was like so willingly, like he totally did not wanna go for it..i as supposed to ask him to choose, then i forgot, i knew i had sth to say..but when i rmb, it was too late alr...then when he says he wants to go, i feel kinda bad for not letting him go..but i cant help it..
and he seems to be ok with everything...he feels like everything is fine but i dont feel the same way...he doesnt seem to care..i think i repeated in the previous posts like 10000000 times that he doesnt care....ya, cz i feel like he is like that la...
he promise me to not hangout with the gal so much but i still cant help but feel insecure....cz i know that he really wants to mix with all his frens..so wat im doing now is kinda like isolating him from that gal...but THATS exactly what he did to me and caused me to have the jest i have today...and i cant turn back..its not that im revengeful but its just that i feel insecure...
why cw can do that to ks and ks has no complaints?cw teach me ur trix..he said he has no life if i do that to him... he doesnt love me as much?? ya, maybe....unfair...but he still listens to me...thats the only good part...but its like out of "ok la, do la..listen la" kinda thing...not the "cz i want u to be happy kinda thing".....
sigh...like just now i call him, cz i was bored and i jsut woke up, obviously i wanna talk to him la...and he was like i very tired la...wanna sleep la...duno wat la...im like ok la...wateva la...sigh...ok, its 2am...but STILL???
then earlier on, he said busy la...need to coach...and all so im like ok la..reasonable wat...then he said he will sms me..mahai.wait till dem long also dont have....2 hours later baru the sms came..im like wtf?? he usually coaching also can sms wat...sumore u know i called u for a reason so u sms me immiediately can onot???
when i first came here, he so dem kan cheong everything i do, wat time i online and so on...to the point that i tot he was quite fan...cz he keep on controlling my going out time...reach midnite must sms him...before midnite must come home except for friday nites and stuff like that...wtf man?!?!?? and i totally let him go..im like go out with ur frens or sth...but he likes rarely does that...i tihnk he was like on a hanging on stage and i was on like a discovering new place stage...thats why...
then after awhile, it was like the reverse cz of a string of shit....and now its like that la.reverse....he just doesnt care anymore....so im gonna go out and do wat i used to do...hang out and have fun!!! tonnes of FUN!!!without him....but its not like he cares..i dont think he even cares...he ll be like go lah...u shld have some fun...aRRGH!!!
and now bcz of this thing, i lost a good fren....that person is like ur not a good fren anymore..ur just a fren...bcz of wat u did last xmas... xmas can be the best time, can also be the worst time.....u never have the middle...cz if u do, it ll be boring...and if i cant gain back this fren's trust again, i'd be so MAD at gc...cz it was his fault and this fren is very important....sigh.......
i want a bf in US......
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dumbidity now I realized that I was so stupid lastime...just bcz of one thing, I let go a chance of putting something useful in my resume. I regret. dem a lot. when u don’t have a life, u try to make the other person go thru wat u feel too..thats selfish and that’s human nature…
I feel really bad now…I wonder if the other person feels the same way too…I hate this feeling…..wtf??? fine…..ill do wat I like again…and if I poke at the rite spot, don’t blame me….i hope “somebody gonna hurt reeeaaaal bad”….alwis give hope to others…never hurts to shine a dim light in a pitch black room…
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Philosophy As much as i hate and despise philosophy the way i despise certain ppl, i think this is interesting and only if my philosophy professor was as good as this:
A professor stood before his Philosophy class andhadsome items in front of him.When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up averylarge and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded tofillit with golf balls.He then asked the students if the jar was full.They agreed that it was.The professor then picked up a box of pebbles andpoured them into the jar.He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into theopen areas between the golf balls.He then asked the students again if the jar was full.They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand andpouredit into the jar.Of course, the sand filled up everything else.He asked once more if the jar was full.The students responded with an unanimous "yes."The professor then produced two cups of coffeefromunder the table and poured the entire contents intothe jar, effectively filling the empty space betweenthe sand.The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor, as the laughtersubsided,"I want you to recognize that this jar representsyourlife."The golf balls are the important things - your God,family, your children, your health, your friends, andyour favorite passions - things that if everythingelse was lost and only they remained, your lifewouldstill be full."The pebbles are the other things that matter likeyour job, your house, and your car."The sand is everything else--the small stuff."If you put the sand into the jar first," hecontinued, "there is no room for the pebbles or thegolf balls."The same goes for life."If you spend all your time and energy on the smallstuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you."
Pay attention to the things that are critical to yourhappiness.Play with your children."
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.
"Play another 18."
There will always be time to clean the house andfixthe disposal.
"Take care of the golf balls first, the things thatreally matter.
"Set your priorities."
The rest is just sand.
"One of the students raised her hand and inquiredwhatthe coffee represented.The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked."
It just goes to show you that no matter how fullyourlife may seem,there's always room for a cup of coffee with a friend."
Amazing lesson to learn...
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bitchy sien la…how long more do I have to take this shit? 79 days…why am I answering my own qs? lame…that’s 79 X 24 = 1896 hours….1896 painstaking hours that I have to deal with this…I need someone that can relate with me..chui wa is gone cz her freaking bf went over to aussie to suffer with her…no one is with me…(
everything also bout money…never tot that it wld be an issue..its best if both are going thru crisis then both will appreciate the value of money….but choi, not that I wanna have a money issue la..but still…..sigh….ok, I feel like I need to bitch..AGAIN…sorry…
he doesn’t care at all.its just pisses me off..but I know there isn’t much that he can care about anyway…but still…I want it! and when I say I want, means I get it! no buts there!
im bored….im afraid I will start slacking after midterms again like last sem..then my grades will go down like nobody’s business…
no motivation to move the days forward a lil faster…no motivation to go that extra mile..no motivation to do anything….no motivation to care also cz he doesn’t care…
so boring….he has his own life there and I don’t have a life here…other than going to classes and online and doing assignments and studying for exams and quizzes…there is nth much to do…even online just awhile also he gets bored and like wana go away….and he doesn’t seem interested in calling me….it feels so forced when I have to ask him to do it…
he isn’t willing to do a whole lot for me but im willing…I alr did things that ive never done and never tot of doing in my entire life just to please him….does he appreciate it? I wonder….
he complains when I ask him to do simple things…or basically not doing anything just pisses me off….symptoms/? signs?? of wat/??? another gal???? I don’t think so…cz if it is so, I will slap him the first thing I see him, then hug him, then slap him again, then walk off…kewl rite? only if he does that la…
ARRRGHH!!!!!!!!! fuck la! mahai…dem pissed and geram and ppl who don’t care!
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fucknig bitch i am. so sue me. Gosh! my room is so fucking cold! and I hate it! I have a good mind to bitch about everything and release all secrets out rite now! im in a fucking bitchy mood!
- I don’t know why I came to Marquette. I feel so jealous that everyone is making their pick of unis rite now.and why am I here?? ask my parents!!!! fuck them! they never let me pick wat I want..or they make me feel so bad about it.
- My parents pay so so dem fucking much to Marquette for a room that’s got a spoilt heater.! freezing my ass off here! and the fucking facilites ppl supposed to come this morning but never turn up. I tot only msians are like that. seems like America is of not much diffs other than rampant sex around of cz…sigh…I wish I cld get a bf here…cz the one at home sux
- when im ur gf, u don’t treat others like they are urs too…and if u don’t like her, fuck off from her…and the gal, if she likes u, tell her to back off….if u duno whether she likes u onot, open ur damned mouth and ask…sorry, but I wont tolerate such nonsense…
- if I could cheat on u, I would…and I would gladly do it…it gives me the pleasure and satisfaction nothing else can give.
- If only I could get a bf here…ahhhhh! that wld be heaven….how cold also doesn’t matter cz the love will keep warm..hahha..cheesy I know…but so wat???
- when I say I don’t plan to work here, means I don’t. which part of that line do u not understand? money isn’t the solution to everything….though it is to shopping…
- I have 82 days left to go back…..so make it quick!
- if frens here cld be wat i ad back in ADP, life wld be great…I think ppl here are so absorbed in their own world…
- sometimes, if u let go u shld let go EVERYTHING..if u wanna control, then control all.dont do it half way and let me do the shitty part…cz I do as I am told out of respect, but its diminishing…I really regretted listening to u..cz now im paying for it…
- valentine’s day isn’t worth celebrating if someone/ppl don’t celebrate it with u or u don’t feel a gesture of love or care. I feel NOTHING! zilch.
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la-la-la...having a good time on America's sampan...
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both of us having a good time in Universal Studios...
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EXACTLY! so dont make a big fuss over it...!
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was there any? i dont think so...it was the physics that killed us both...
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Objection! love is about those stuff..
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america has it pasted all over its face
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me = me....you = me
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i sure do...itgives me a feeling of satisfaction that not even big O can give...oooohhh
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hmm...do i?
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sorta..if and only if u get a bf that spoils u bad and goes nuts over u...
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OMG! its mine! yum***
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yes i do...
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mmm *lick*
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simply gorgeous....the gal i mean
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haven
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ngurah rai airport
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tanah lot with amazing hair
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sorry... Im really sorry...vanity struck me at Mashuda Hall Room 520 at 2.23 pm at -19 degrees Celsius....bear with me....
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the bali trip...no, i do not have such a hideous skirt but they made me put it on cz its a temple but i was smartly wearing shorts..
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inspired by sue lynn and vanity
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pyjamas, colered hair struck with vanity
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on my b'day celebration and final test...at home..
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my fabulous stylist's work-of-art
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inspired by sue lynn and vanity...
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awesomeness of us..
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the new haircut
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yew meng's bright idea at salmon steak, subang...ooohh, miss them oh-so-much
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his room..sadly the paper isnt there anymore...things got tooooo "wild" and it got yanked off....
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tioman
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vanity struck with iPod
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the galssss
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allergy OMG!!! i just found out that im allergic to wool ...wat the hell?? and i have like 2 sets of woollen long johns...wearing oe of them rite ow...have to put up with it till i go back msia and get a new set....i cannot NOT wear them when freezign wisconsin is like -10 to -17 degrees....BRRRR!! its cold in here...ladda ladal dad dadala da atmosphere...hahhaha!!
I the stupid feeling of bundling up myself in thick clothes and make me look like some piilow thing to toss around and the minute i step into the class i have to take out layer by layer and there's no place to put cz its FREAKING HOT in that class..im wearing 4 layers rite now...
Layer 1: Woollen allergic pair of long johns..
Layer 2: T shirt
Laeyr 3: Sweater
Layer 4: My cute fuzzy lil white long winter coat...
GAH! go back msia must wear tube and spag top! no need wear bra also can..mwahahahaha!! and freaking short shorts and short short skirt...and ultra thin tops..bahahahaahahahaha!!!
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im a happy happy gal! im done with my broadcasting examss...woohoo! and i did well for it...mmm, so proud of myself ....and done with the stupid PHILOSOPHY exam..i can talk trash like socrates now....i still duno my results..i really dont wanna know...hehheh!!! that shld say a lot..
im a happy happy gal when i think of hair show 2004...it was like the best time ever...ok, exaggerating la...but still, it was fabulous...and my stylist was even more fabulous...
but all thats going away...siew ann is a sad sad gal again....cz i got 1 presentation on monday, 1 paper due on monday and i dont get to sleep in this weekend cz of the children sexual abuse thing that im FORCED to go to..gah! i hate them...
siew ann is a fat fat gal now...i ve been eating every nite at like 12 midnite..eating junk food...and NOT exercising.....May 13 FASTER come la..i ve been waiting for u for 9 months...im so jealous of chui wa....life is unfair...
chui wa, i cant believe u didnt tell me bout livejournal until today...i really feel like whacking u! some sort of fren u are huh?? suddenly, i just decided not to get those shoes for u anymore! BITCH!
i wanna go home...still got 85 more days, then im OUTTA this place! boy, am i GLAD!
my mum's being bad again as usual....not replying me bout going for holiday...ok, fine..learn to deal with it..some things in life are just not under your control and u cant do anything about it...well, this is one of them...i learnt it from my advertising prof..so much for studying inMarquette and sending me off for 9 months and not letting me come back for 2 yrs!
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Am I materialistic? Am i?? am i?? am i??? am i??? someone tell me pls...i always tot that i wasnt and i still dont think I am...but come to think of it, I might be a tingy little bit materialistic....just a lil bit...dont have to run away just yet...
ok, fine..money is important to me...so important...but im not materialistic am I? ok, fine, i love shopping, and spending..but im a gal, which gal doesnt like that?? so am i materialistic?? am i??
freedom is scarce in my life..so i need to protect it..with money?? its not tht bad an idea wat..
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Happy Valentine's Dayyy!!! This goes out to all the people I love and treasure:
Happy Valentine's Dayy!!!!
1. Chui Wa
2. Annie
3. Tingting
4. kakak
5. Stuart
6. Jon
7. Kenneth
This signifies 7 people that has made a huge significance in my life...and of cz the one that is extra extra extra special and extra extra extra appreciated one is none other than........Jeng Jeng Jeng........
Choo Gee Chang!!
sure la boyfren extra special...hehee!! Happy Valentine's Day dear...love ya...muakz!
im coming home soooooonnnn!!! belated Valentine's ok??hahaha!!
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me and nia, my roommate on Thanksgiving
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mummy... Hahaha...my mum sooo kpc le...hahaha..dem funny...cz all this while she never bothered and suddenly now she cared so much...hehe!! but good la..at least she cares...though she may be disappointed..
oooohhh..i cant wait to go to the nike outlet or wateva other outlets there is....and there is actually so many more nice places to go around milwaukee...its just that the weather doesnt permit us to do so...i picked up this Milwaukee Journal from my dorm...and got lots of reviews about places to go and food to eat...Hmm..wonder when i will have the chance??
This 3 weeks, ill be busy on weekends doing sth else...haihz....but at least ill learn sth at the end of it....Hmm...so maybe in March, hopefully i will have one weekend free if i dont have tests ...and then im off to NewOrleans...whooppeeee!!!!! Everyone scream with meeee!!! ok, im there to do service to other ppl..but still, its good helping others ma...even if u cant help urself..hehe!!
come to think of it, i might even like the idea of summer in milwaukee, but wat to do, i really wanna go home le...after all, i will have the whole of next summer here....wheeeee!! but might be working...Hmmmmm, that doesnt sound so appealing after all...
we all shld learn to keep stuff to urself at our own discretion....
im learning to how to create a public service announcement on radio with sound effects and stuff..its pretty cool esp when i have an american guy for a partner and he seems so well-versed with the program....Thank God for that...if not ill be stuck at the lab like forever...
my only complain is that my advertising class, im partnered with 5 other ppl in a group where they dont really care bout the project..and that project is worth 20%..its about a case study...they dont seem to be the slightest worried about it...GRRRR!!!! but i get to be a producer of a magazine for Advertising...how cool is that/?!?!?!!? i get to design the layout, proofread and edit other ppl's articles...and only 5 ppl are producers...i feel TERRIBLY honored...heheh!!!!!
and i videotaped myself talking bout Malaysia and its education system since Americans seem to be so intrigued by the fact we study physics and chemistry in Malay...but that was crap, that was my draft...for my final...JENG JENG JENG.................................................
I filmed myself playing piano...Canon in D on piano..how cool is that?? ok, i didnt film myself.my lovely roommate did it for me...she filmed for me both times...she's super nice...and guess wat?!?! i was the only one in class to do the whole 1 minute thing without words...and EVERYONE tot it was awesomely cool! coolly awesome..wateva....it was just GREAT! Wahahahhahahaaahaha!!! im so happy!! im a genius..!! i manage to come up with such an idea....there were a couple of others who were quite cool also...like doing a film on male toilet manners...like how u shldnt stand directly next to a guy who is in a stall..alwis pick the alternate stall...hahaha!!!
ok, im done bragging, now comes to the part where i can be a total mess up...i tried using photoshop with online guide and trial and error...i only got one thing out of it...how to clean up YOUR pimples...and i took couple of hours of it..haihz...and im a complete goof at using the avid program...which is a sound and video editing program...i need to have the handbook next to me and do it step-by-step following the book..miss one step and i duno wat to do next....this resulted me in asking a stranger in the lab on how to save my video on to the LAN share....thats how blur i am...save also dunno...
but im trying to learn how to convert the video which is in mini DV tape...to movie file..so i can have it on my laptop...i might publish the piano wan...if i feel like it..but definitely not the Malaysia wan...i sound so dumb on it...and u guy s will prolly think so unless ur American and havent been exposed to the Asian culture....i felt dumb saying it also...cz it was like such obvious facts...
ok, gonna watch my Chinese series show now...P/S: cass: i still havent figured out those chinese words on the website..i need to catch u on msn to help me out...thanks!
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Why is everything so uncertain? Its uncertain bcz of the decisions u choose to make..im so dem sleepy now...GAH!!! later got class sumore...with the stupid visual communications lecturer who doesnt know how to teach but just hand out study guides and expect us to mull over them for 2 hours the nite before...and GAWD!!! she talks so slow its just pisses me off...cz ppl who talk slow are wasting my time....if u can shove more words into ur mouth, then do it!
ok, im pissed off cz my parents say i cant go home for 2 yrs after this summer...wat the hell??? and im pissed cz i have to do internship...but thats not so bad if they and he comes visit me..i really dont mind...but then i will miss the chance of travelling and flying to UK...and im SUPER pissed cz they want me to wrok in US nextime..saying u duno wat u want nextime...maybe u wanna work here and all...try different state like califronia and florida...yada yada yada...for bloody shitty's sake, i wanna get out of here ASAP and as often as possible.!!!!!!!
fine..wateva...deal with the one way ticket first....even if i pay for other half also nvm....GAH!!! daddy, hear me!!! i dont wanna stay here for 2 yrs.!
