I'm one day late, but better late than never. Fly FM did a morning show to commemorate the day by inviting a member of the AIDS Council, Eric, who's HIV + and a doctor from Sg. Buloh hospital.

This ignorant listener called in to ask, "So how's your daily routine like?"

Eric's reply: I wake up, brush my teeth, get dressed, go to the KTM station, still have to wait for the KTM that's always late...

At this point, I've already burst out laughing and the deejay was trying to salvage it by angling it from a medical standpoint.

wtf. malaysians are so ignorant.

Back in Milwaukee, I spent 2D/1N at a HIV/AIDS Program to understand what it's all about, meet people with HIV, go to HIV clinics, understand the medication used, the tests used, basically to get educated. At the end of the program, the guy who runs the free clinic did not allow us to take free condoms from the bowl. Why?

Because we're from Marquette (a catholic school). Otherwise, he will be banned from running this awareness program in our uni following that. also another stupid thing.

That aside, I'm feeling odd lately. I'm not the nicest, happiest person to hangout with. I find myself constantly very tired, miserable, not unhappy, but not very happy either. Ahhh! What's becoming of me?

I don't find myself appreciating the little things anymore. Or maybe I dont have the little things anymore. I'm actually just very tired. but i dont know why. He's cooking for the family tomorrow. And I really appreciate it cz i know it's a big thing. But for some reason i just dont show him the appreciation. I think partially it's also because I hate anything to do with cooking, groceries, etc. I don't find passion in it. I just want to go there with a checklist, buy stuff, and get out of there ASAP. I'm no longer shopping for my own apartment, my own dinners. It's different and difficult. I just don't find the thrill in it. Grocery and cooking is a chore to me.

I miss life abroad. i really do. I was going thru some email from a long time ago, from the very first time i had a gmail account to all the emails sent back and forth with the lawyer, the bosses, etc. and i got really upset that it was so unfair that i didnt get to go back. why should i be punished for something that's not my fault?

and in return, what do i get out of it? it's not like i have a much better life in malaysia. maybe i shld be more positive about the whole thing. but its been slightly over 1 yr, and i still see nothing i have here in malaysia is better than what i had in US. NOTHING. not even food can beat it. i guess the grass is always greener on the other side. i won't realize what i have here until i'm missing it. but it's unfair that my life get's turned around without even me having a say in it.

The only thing i had a say in was SIA. and i have to say i m glad i didnt go for it.  no regrets whatsoever.

even the r'ship, i feel like lately, it's just not going the way it used to be. i want to be in delirium, in excitement, happiness, joy, always waiting to see him, no matter what we do, even if we do nothing. im not anymore. even if we don't see each other for few days, i don't feel it anymore. what's wrong? what happened to all the excitement, the joy, the anticipation, the plans, the acitivites...?
i feel like since the last 2-3 months, everything has just gone haywire and nothing is what it seems to be. or at least what it used to be. i want this, but i want this to feel the same way it used to.

i used to be known as "after-work life". i think im now known as "after-work work." I dont get the same messages anymore, i dont get the same emails anymore. i still do get calls occasionally. I used to have to call him everyday at work just to talk. now the only reason we talk at work (if long) its because we need to settle our arguments. i dont get him picking me up at midvalley for just no good reason.

i was told that excitement is not as fun as comfort. when the comfort level sinks in, you will feel that all this is worth so much more than the excitement. i was damn sure he was so damn wrong. but damn, he was right! when i felt comfortable enough with him, i actually felt that it was so much better than excitement. and i loved every minute of it, of course i wld never tell him and that prolly explained why i was a lil crazy at some point.

but now that comfort level has REALLY sinked in, i actually prefer excitement so much better. now there's just alot of comfort, and no excitement. i m not bored per se, but sometimes i am bored. it's too comfortable that it's boring and nothing new. i want something new. something that will drive me nuts and keep me working for it. right now, nothing is making me work for it. im just not that interested.

maybe a pit stop is what's required. i want to want this so much that ill do it. but i dont have that anymore. if that doesnt work i want to just casual this whole thing like how it always used to be and it has played to my benefits.

now it just SUCKS.