If I've been crying every week, or rather a few times every week, for the past 4 weeks, it means something is wrong. It means I am unhappy. This no longer makes me happy. Which explains the constant tears every week.

I think this should be done here. I do realize I'm unreasonable. But I also realize that this isn't the kind of relationship I want to be in. He's the kind of guy I want. That's why I'm here. I'm just confused.

I need to get out. fast. and soon. it's not going anywhere. I find it really difficult to voice my expectations and wants to him. I just don't want to or probably don't dare to. I find myself slowly not wanting to open up to him anymore, at least not in terms of my expectations and wants for the relationship. I feel insecure and uncomfortable telling him my expectations and wants. I expect him to know because I don't want to share and tell. I'm just taking and taking. And I can't seem to think on his behalf, maybe it's because I don't love him. I just don't think on his behalf anymore. I think at least I used to do that a bit more.

i just want all these to disappear. I'm not happy anymore. that explains the tears. if im not happy anymore, i should leave. there's no point staying here. I probably just need to leave to clear my head and realign my thoughts so I know what's important to me and how to run a relationship. I think I've forgotten how to run a relationship. Im just doing it blindly because I'm here. Maybe, actually, I don't love him. I love the idea of him. I really do love the idea of him. Because he has everything I want in a partner. and I like everything I see. Well, not everything, but most things. I don't think I actually love, love him as a person. Maybe that's the problem.

Maybe, just maybe.......